I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
