You really coming over, don't trick.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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