You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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