I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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