I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
