he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
