I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
