Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
