he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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