I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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