Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
