Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
