shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
