can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
