i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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