We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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