Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
