Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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