great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
