i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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