she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
