the condom got lost in my hair
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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