we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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