Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
