Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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