My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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