You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
