hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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