All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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