what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
