You just made me feel so damn special
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
