I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
