I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
