The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
