Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
