I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
