Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
vagina is talking i cant
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
