the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
