The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
