shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
