Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
