Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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