I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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