you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
