the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
