You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
