Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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