Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
