I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
