You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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