She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
