she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
