you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
