I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
