help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
