Porn is love you can see.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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