i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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