i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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