HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
