My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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