3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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