Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize