Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
