420 ftw
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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