Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
