Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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