so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
