Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just pee around me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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